sometimes i really wonder whether i belong there
the akward moments, the brush offs, the obviousness of the cold shoulder,
do i really have what it takes to be strong and bare the criticism,

i wonder if its just in everyone to want to feel like they belong, to be liked by the people around you, to fit.
in reality, everyone does something to fit in
sometimes its good, sometimes its bad
i wonder why people sometimes feel the need to gain approval, etc
why must ppl do things to get others to like them better or to accept them
why is there a need to satisfy others instead of your own
why people must show it so obviously that they dislike someone
why people must talk behind someone's back
why people must give the cold shoulder
why they just cant ask what's the matter instead of just assuming then talking behind their backs
why why why

im so angry at myself
for everytime im there,
im constantly thinking why arent i gd enough, why are things like tt, why are things different, why do i think that i need their approval, get them to like me and whatever
is it just me?
or are they really treating me this way?
am i being too paranoid again?

im starting to doubt whether they really are my friends
as in do they see me as one
do you even like me?
is that why you've been purposely pushing me away in my face,
trying to tell me that hey, i don like you
is that it?
and why do i even bother?

haiz, i like doing what ive been doing
but sometimes its hard to breathe
its hard to be constantly on your toes because you're feeling and thinking this way

should i just give it all up?
but i feel sad if i do
because i like what ive been doing
but i just feeel so lost, lonely sometimes

sorry if anyone of you feels offended reading this
this is just how i feel
im entitled to my own feelings arent i?
i dont know who else to turn to because i don know who i can trust and i dont know if they'll understand what im feeling...
can i trust you?