i feel shitty

the biggest apologies to my fellow fb friends
i know i haven been attending for very long
too many things are happening
too soon
too hard

went to school for guest lecture today only

broke down again in public
=S
dunno why
don ask why
coz im afraid i just might break down again
sorry to those who saw

it's tearing up my heart and my motivation to do anything and disrupting my peace of mind.

when you switch on the tv
or when you were young, you were taught that family meant: Father.Mother.I.Love.You
how naive we were. or are.
its so easy to physcho children
but as you grow up, you realize that actually, it's all a myth.
but for some lucky dudes, they get to experience the whole happy family thing
am i doing the best i can for her? am i just here so that this wont break apart?

do those around you really show you their true feelings?
do they treat you to a smile but in their hearts, hope you can just get out of their sight?
who can you trust now? is trust that hard to earn?
they say eavedroppers never hear anything good about themselves.
but what if you weren't eavesdropping but just happen on that bit of information?
why must we always think if the people you think like you actually dont?
why must we think so much until we doubt those that we care for?
why is it so hard to just be understood for once?
why? why? why?
should we always be on our toes, cautious, even with those close to you?
always thinking and pondering of the right thing to say, what not to say, what to do and what not to do, afraid to offend someone, afraid that what you say may be passed around, afraid that what you say may come back to haunt you?

when you were young and a little naive and dumb, did you trust anyone who were your laughing partners and said they were your friends or family?
did you get hurt by most of them in the end?
did they use your words against you?
did they leave you alone and stripped out of happiness when they left and abandoned you?
did they turn their backs on you at the first sign of hardship?
did they help you in times of need?

i feel like the whole world is going against me. shitty, crappy, stressed and on the verge of breaking any moment. emotions running high and dry. life sucks at this moment. god gv me strength to carry on.