let me apologize for my moodiness and behaviour for the past few days
as well as for the days to come..
brush my hair
hold my hand
take me into your arms
and hold me tight
a feather on my cheek
as well as the wetness on it
warmth in my heart
as well as the ache
light in my eyes
as well as the shimmer
butterflies in my stomach
curling up my toes
smile on my face
as well as a frown
randomness of it wont make sense to anyone
the little little things just seem to add up
p/s: i'm scared. and i dont want to regret again. i'll spend more time with you i promise.
the onslaught of fasting month and raya has been reminding me that i should cherish those around me more.
the family finally took a family portrait together but again, with some people missing.
it has never been full since .... for a looong time
as the month of syawal is coming to an end,
i'll admit that when it arrived, listening to the takbir for once, (i've never listened to it coz i always tear up) of course, when i did, i teared up.
memories of yester-years..
of the tau hueys, of the hugs and kisses and of the weirdness of seeing that in a glass of water
sadly, that's all i remember. being the favoured grand daughter.
would it have been different if she was still here with us?
in case you non-muslims didn't know,
during the fasting month, evil demons get locked away and the souls of those who have passed away "return" to be with their families.
and no, there's no visa for any of the evil demons..
i believe god doesn't make any mistakes.
5:04:00 pm
YYYYY
Met fad today
and good timing
coz i was feeling cranky, pissed and moody
and of course her craziness cheered me up
it's funny sometimes how dreams can be
sometimes you can remember them
most of the times you can't
you can dream of simple things like your friends, family, lover
then again, you can dream of the weirdest and most random dreams like
your school getting invaded by an alien octopus
and then seeing dried squid dangling around
i've become a cynic and a pessimist of late
i realised no matter how many good or bad things you've done when you were just a kid,
you won't remember them or the details much
but when you're matured and older, you'll keep the memories better
and i think it's only human
that you often remember the bad memories instead of the good
or maybe it's just me
i told you i've become pessimistic
no matter how many or how little good memories there are
when something bad happens, and it happens often,
you'll always remember the bad things
i know i can do better than you
after all the lies that you've made me believe
i hope you feel as much guilt as i have over the years
i told myself i should move on and just forget
but i always remember
what it felt like with you
i won't miss all the good times we've had
and the way we were
because i know i deserve much better than you
thanks darling for listening and sharing
i know you'll always be there for me... and vice versa =)
i'm starting to feel the pressure of icas from the tip of my toes to the roots of my hair
how well or badly i will do depends so much on this last academic semester
3 examnable modules
thank god
but still as scary
coz i freaking don get some of the lecturers
and it's only like the 2nd week of school
i feel unmotivated to do anything but slack, cranky, irritated and moody
i hate this time of month
feel like a duck with a big belly,
my mood changes as quick and often as how paris hilton spends her money
no link at all but i cant think of anything
uuuuurrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!
i'm sooooo sorry im procrastinating im so sorry for being soooo unmotivated to do my projects
haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiz
holidays please come quickly
i wanna go on holiday!!
ILA!! IQAH!!! WHERE ARE WE GOING?!?
10:21:00 pm
YYYYY
he can speak 4 languages. mandarin, cantonese, hokkien, malay. =D
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none other then of course...
Wu Chun!
haaaaaaaaaaaaizzzzzzzz
dreamy
look at that smile
those eyes
that hair!
that voice (even though he can't be heard on my blog)
that shy personality
that EVERYTHING!
hahahaha
**drooooools*
he's coming to singapore with fahrenheit on the 27th!!!!!!!!! AAAARGGGH
i wanna see him in real life.. =))
siiiiiiiiiiiiiigh
oh well to those who don think he's hot
nvm you're entitled to your own opinions...
lalalala
*dreaming*
he on certain angles look like a certain someone i know
shall nto say who here
but that someone too bad.. so spoiler recently...
not cute at all alr with his yeah... "girly" look now
oops...
12:05:00 am
YYYYY
today has been a bad day so far...
sian..
nt lookin forward to my FIRST multicam production.
Hopefully certain people don screw it up... =S
i don care if im bitching
im feeling pissed...
at so many people...
ARRRGGHHH
i think my mens time is coming...
bleahx
hate night lessons
i wanna go home like now
and sleep off my anger and pissy mood
5:20:00 pm
YYYYY
been busy with jln raya-ing...
and too many pictures to upload.
blogger should like revamp and allow multiple picts to be upload at one time instead of clicking one by one. =S
meet my cousin (pict below) with a bone growing problem. he's the same age as me
and basically, his other 3 younger and older brothers are ALL taller than me!!!
why is te world sooo unfair!!! even his younger brother is taller than me by like half a head!!!!
there's plenty more cousins not in this picture! =DD
i should be glad im the tallest female on my mom's side. hehehe... 
i swear this little angel loooooooooves to take pictures! but she's cute and oh well i love her.. =D
oh well...
my duit raya is substantial...
must save money.. hahaha
school's started and the timetable basically sucks
2 8am lessons!!!!!!!!!!!
and one night class!!!!!!!!
BUT BUT BUT!!!!
IT ROCKS coz goooooooooot 2 DAYS OFF!!!!!!!!!!! well
not in the timetable
this silly module called National Education -_- (yes we still have NE in poly)
rarely has lessons so we don hv to go to sch on weds! =D
oh well
so far my ica groupings are not bad
IP
serene
sara
zafirah
priscilla
Entrpreneurship (the next jessica lecturer)
ophile (this new french student)
iqah (yay!)
fiz
multicam scares the shit and pee out of me....
its like, when one person makes a mistake, everything is like jeopardized....
and watching rtm basically scares me more even though its hilarious because u know tt shitty producing is like not worth watching
that's why its the only malaysia channel allowed in singapore. LOL
kidding!!
ooo oo oo
i got myself a rose pink PSP SLIM!
WOOPEEE
and its sooooooooo addictive
weather has been a pain
hot and cold hot and cold
its raining now
ooo thunder!! hahaha
hmm there's so much i wanna blog budden when i reach here it all just disappears..
OH YES!!
caution!
this is not an advertisement! =D
on saturday i went to grassroots
(don ask me why the heck im gg like basically beside NYP on a saturday)
another girl outing
been long since we had one.
my mom, aunt, 2 cousins and me...
we went to eat at naked fish shoppe
it basically sells seafood mostly and abit of chicken and red meat.
well it is probably the most "mmmm-ing" time i've had
first time ive heard so many "mmmm" in one meal..
the service was great
we were served by an old mr. han who just like gvs u anything when u compliment him and call him "abang" -_-
budden abit too ermm good service coz he kept popping at our table
all my aunts fault coz she kept praising n what not
started with broccolli soup which was acutally MUCH MUCH MORE DELICIOUS than the word brocolli.
we even had extra soup coz yeah... the service was great.
then each of us had a different main course.
after the main course, the set meal included dessert.
which was a very delicious mango pudding
and if that wasn't enough, we had two additional desserts.. paid of course.
cheesecake and brownie.
yummy!!!!!
well the food was simply fantastic!!!
except this scary vampire looking flounder fish head. the fish was good. the head is justtttt scary...
9:50:00 pm
YYYYY
the busker kelvin
the satay man.. habez
the entertainers leonard and kelvin
this is mr. randal goh, one of our lecturers... he's a very interesting and creative person when it comes to stuff like proposing.. *wink wink *
this is mr. azhar our lecterer and PM for our 2nd year.. i think he always seems to be eating outside class...
matthew looks like a freaking drug addict like this
OH YEAH! HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY MY DEAR FRIEND! YOU'RE FINALLY 18! CAN PLAY WITH THE BIG BOYS AND GIRLS NOW! =D=D=D
I'm Such a nice person wish u on ur bday and on my blog... =D
anyways,
to my darling ila, please take care of urself..
and start laughing again even though it hurts ;)
miss your laughter. hahaha
making kuihs and cleaning my house have taken a toll on me
im having flu again
flu flu go away
i wanna enjoy my raya
which is in.............. 4 days! weeets!!
anyways school's starting soon. BOO!!!!!
my timetable's pretty oooooooooook
except two things
MONDAY 8AM LESSONS!!!!!!!
and NIGHT CLASS!! BISH BISH BISH!!!!!
I DON WANT MY HOLIDAYS TO END SO SOOOOOOOOOOOON!!!!!!!
7:23:00 pm
YYYYY
he scares the living daylights out of me for some reason
mayb it's his non-smiley face
he reminds me of elliot in law & order SVU. =S
today was UN day at school,
again i saw little kids in their traditional costumes
well the americas are boring they're dressed just in red and blue and jeans
some were in cowboy hats and all tt
and the korean kids wore their ermm im sorry dunno what its called
so cute
hahaha
got some food from the parents from the bake sale...
food
urghh made me hungry
hahaha
niwaes went to geylang yesterday
the clothes at the bazaar are seriously ermmm what's the word for everything's the same?
shit i cant remember
oh well
there were just stalls after stalls of indonesian traditional clothes
the batik and all that
not that im racist or nationalist i wore it once before
but seriously
like it was everywhere
and all of the stalls sold the same ones
eye pain
finally went to golden landmark and went to the boutiques to look at the clothes
honestly, they were better, no doubt abit more pricey, but looks so much better
had a hard time choosing,
we decided to buy white this year instead of royal blue
coz daddy, surprisingly he came, wanted white
well when he gvs an input on anything its extraordinary so we followed with white.
well everything i tried on was beautiful
especially this corset and long white skirt with a small white cardigan
it was damn unique but, well corsets don look nice on me and it was freaking $300!! hahaha
so we decided to go with something else
shall not put up pictures just yet coz im at work and i dont wanna spoil the surprise.
hahaha
i spent $250 on my outfit. oops
was looking through some heels online i think i roughly know what i want
hehehehe
there weren't ALOT of ppl there coz it was a weekday
but there were alot of teens hmm yeah specifically u know laa
but surprisingly, alot of non-malays as well
snapping away with their cameras when ppl are breaking fast
sheesh no concideration
just kidding
and shopping away as well =))
nice to see... =)
what's ur colour this raya?
blogging has made me forget i was sad just a few moments ago
=)
i dont want to be
but i am
there are times, alot when i wish i could tell what i want
how i want to feel the gentleness of those words, of that touch
im a romantic at heart.
----
well school's out
they're having a one week vacation for fall.
bleahx
in one week, they can go to phuket, bali, thailand, canada, whaveter,
in 2 MONTHS, i couldn't go ANYWHERE!! didnt go anywhere.. =((
depressed
i wanna go on holidaaaaaaaaaay!!!
12:07:00 pm
YYYYY
wang lee hom performance pictsfor some reason blogger hates me now and won allow me to upload anymore pictures. pfft
but my eyes arent
they're puffy and swollen and my eye bags could scare any kid or adult coming into this office this morning.
beautiful skinny people should disappear from the face of this planet
bleahx
im putting on weight despite the fasting
this sec sch junior which i saw recently just told me my face looked rounder
see? urggghhhh
i think its the result of binge eating.
bleahx
disappear fats
poof! poof!!
i know i should lay off the raya crackers, which are actually meant for ppl coming over
hehehehe
and ben & jerry's turtle soup
and midnight snacking
when i start blogging at 820am, you know im already bored.
but i like slow mornings
at least today zurina switched on the radio so its not so quiet in the office.
im thinking about money
im always thinking about money here. hahahaha
and not even half the day's gone
should i get an ipod nano? or a gold psp?
the new colours for the ipod nanos are soooooooo tempting!!!
but i've wanted to get a psp. damn it.
well
i dont have pics from class bbq.
LEO!!! PICTURESS!!!!
oh well
azhar and randall came to our class bbq. so surprising
and i felt like a little grl counting down the time to break fast at ECP with ila so hungry she was babbling on and on. hahahaha
lets see... i found out tt alot of cute n good looking actors are gay thanks to serene, gen n matthew.
but i shall not spoil it here coz ppl who read my blog will probably kill me for saying it out.
and trust me, you will feel like killing me when u find out.
one of the most hottest guys in the world is gay.
bleaaaaaaaaaaahx!!
that's one less guy
oh well whatever
my mom will probably just say, "so handsome also not as if you can get"
-_________- thanks mom for the encouragement.
my family is just a ball of encouragement.
my uncle would say, "handsome handsome also in the end also get ugly one"
stupid mat uncle. pfft...
whatever i know im charming in my own way. hardy har har
gg to geylang today.
now, to buy clothes.
bleahx
hate gg geylang
so many mats.
and no matthew none of them are my future friends or partner. -.-
more like yours.
i finally watched heroes
haha slow i know
milo is sooo cute
his lopsided smile and they way his mouth just slants when he talks..
so lopsided-y and cute. hahahaha
urgh i feel flu-ishly sick
can i take an mc from fasting?
my lappy is giving me problems
i cant play any cd, dvd, vcd.
bish!!!
jurong east is sooooo FAR!!!
like miles n miles away.
cheh exagerating.
i still feel like running away
8:16:00 am
YYYYY