sugar, spice, and everything nice ♡

sometimes i really wonder whether i belong there
the akward moments, the brush offs, the obviousness of the cold shoulder,
do i really have what it takes to be strong and bare the criticism,

i wonder if its just in everyone to want to feel like they belong, to be liked by the people around you, to fit.
in reality, everyone does something to fit in
sometimes its good, sometimes its bad
i wonder why people sometimes feel the need to gain approval, etc
why must ppl do things to get others to like them better or to accept them
why is there a need to satisfy others instead of your own
why people must show it so obviously that they dislike someone
why people must talk behind someone's back
why people must give the cold shoulder
why they just cant ask what's the matter instead of just assuming then talking behind their backs
why why why

im so angry at myself
for everytime im there,
im constantly thinking why arent i gd enough, why are things like tt, why are things different, why do i think that i need their approval, get them to like me and whatever
is it just me?
or are they really treating me this way?
am i being too paranoid again?

im starting to doubt whether they really are my friends
as in do they see me as one
do you even like me?
is that why you've been purposely pushing me away in my face,
trying to tell me that hey, i don like you
is that it?
and why do i even bother?

haiz, i like doing what ive been doing
but sometimes its hard to breathe
its hard to be constantly on your toes because you're feeling and thinking this way

should i just give it all up?
but i feel sad if i do
because i like what ive been doing
but i just feeel so lost, lonely sometimes

sorry if anyone of you feels offended reading this
this is just how i feel
im entitled to my own feelings arent i?
i dont know who else to turn to because i don know who i can trust and i dont know if they'll understand what im feeling...
can i trust you?

9:22:00 pm
YYYYY

I am officially bored out of my wits.
I dont mind though.
Beats having countless phonecalls by parents asking about things I do NOT know about.
But it's ok. =)
Please let it be slack today...
I get nervous everytime it gets busy or someone asks me to transfer their call to ____.
I think I prefer working in the classroom than front office even though it's busier because the Principals or counselors don't walk in and out.
And I realised it's hard work being my mother's daughter. -.-
The kids and staff expect more.
way to go mom (sarcasm)

But I dont mind though.
The children are so cute
and i'm getting used to all her colleagues now. =)

When 430 strikes, I'm out of here.
Meeting the gals and guys for dinner to celebrate Iqah's bday in town.

Charlene, Ila and me went grocery shopping yesterday at Cold Storage Causewaypoint. after breaking fast at Siam Kitchen
The 2 boyfriends followed too. Iman and Shahrin. Well of course not mine. -.-
I think we can become future makciks and aunties at the rate we were shopping.

Me: Ey there the butter
Ila: Ok take one la.
Charlene: Take the cheapest. This one. $1.50
Me: No this one cheaper $1.30
Ila: No, this one cheaper $1.16!
Charlene: Ey sheng shion cheaper lo.

LMAO! OMG.
and it was just butter!!!!
So it continued with every item we bought.
hahahhaha.
and of course no day would go by without the constant bickering between shahrin and me..
Charlene.... see la... he's always bullying me. =((
Grocery shopping was never so fun. HAHAHAHA. well for me,
in the end, we decided to order most of the stuff from the wholesaler.

and i bought a new top. -.- haiz... but it was cheap ok. $20! lol.
ok that is cheap ok for a top from outfitter girls...
lalala..

ooo gtg. got work to do.
ttfn! =))

edited:

ok i'm like soooooooooooooo bored now. time is passing sooo slowly... its only 4pm!! =((
haiz haiz haiizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

10:50:00 am
YYYYY

WELCOME BACK TWINNY!!!!
lol.
k leonard's back from his 18day trip to uk.
stupid ass keep showing off his eiffell tower display pict on msn.
pui.
actually, im envious
hahahaha
BOOOOOOOO

my day off today
yay!
but working tmr.
as receptionist again.
woohoo... $80 bucks.... $10 extra...
MONEY MONEY
lol.
wth. what's wrong with me....

gg jb this sat.
bleahx
hate jb hate jb hate jb.

hmmm
lemme see what do i have to buy.......

1. baju raya
2. new heels to match my baju raya
3. bag.. =D
4. dress

is that ALL????? wow!! hahahaha

ok class, any of u reading my blog...
BBQ ON OCTOBER, 1ST, 2007
EAST COAST PARK PIT 28 ALRIGHTY??? =D

hmm maybe can save money for holiday trip at the end of year.
pls pls pls...
let me save moeny.
hahahhaa
hari raya money coming too WHOPPPPEEEE!!!!!!! hahaha

mommy promised we'd go holiday during her spring or summer vacation
which is like next year??? sooo loooooooooooooooong!!!!!!!!!!!
BOOOOOOOO

ok guess what im doing now?
writing a novel
BAHAHAHHAHAHAA!!!
for fun
coz im bored.
but in singapore there's no market for budding novelists..... pui
should live in like new zealand or australia or us
then can
its just a play thing for now
cant decide how to pass the time before all the butter and flour and eggs come in and its time for me to bake pineapple tarts that my cousins and mom's friends ordered.
bleahx.

1:33:00 pm
YYYYY

The week's over
I finally had my long awaited loooooong sleep in. =)
I'm going to miss the kids...

But somehow, kids these days don't know the value of money
they can just throw away a 20c coin after playing with it.
like, wtheck
even if it's 20c its money. =S
lol
don care
not my money
i made many new friends... =)
And looking at them revived my own memories as a child
At the age of 10 and 11 when they're just getting curious and start getting interseted in the opposite sex, it's so cute to see them passing love letters and teasing each other and acting all cute as a couple and all that.
One of the 4th grade classes even has a poster that says:
"Boy and Girl Friendships in SAS"
which is sooooo cute
It has like the dos and donts of BGR's in the school
ok these are the rules:

1. I have the right to not be involved in "who likes who" if the subject is uncomfortable for me
2. It is fine to like someone as long as I am always respectful. Just so you know, if a boy often teases a girl, it is because he likes her (and vice versa).
3. I will deliver my own messages
4. I will not deliver messages for others ("Go tell so and so I like her")
5. I will not talk about who likes who if I am not one of the people
6. I will not tease people about who they like
7. If I don not want people to talk about who I like, then I shall not tell them any secrets.
8. If people are talking about me, and I want them to stop, I shall tell them how I feel and what I want them to do, "That makes me feel uncomfortable, and I want you to stop talking about who I like."

SOOOOOO Cute right? Why didn't we have that in our school?
If any teacher ever found out abt this kinda thing, they'll like advice us not to and ask us not to and whatever. =S
The Asian culture is sooo different from the Western.
I mean I tell my mother almost everything but not like what goes on during my dates or what I'm doing with my boyfriend or whatever. DO YOU?? I highly doubt so. LOL
well they do.... =S weird. lol.

Well, I actually took a picture of the poster but i lazy to put it in. once i've bluetoothed it to my lappy i will. =))
Oh well, i wish the best of luck to the kids in Mr. Gallagher and Ms. Cullen's class, Nicole, Michael, Zelda, Kirsten, Maya, Trevor, etc. May they all succeed and go all the way through High School and get into college. =)
We had a substitute for Mr. G's class from wed to fri coz he had the pink eye.
So like sub working with sub, pretty slack except the work he left behind after school, i had nothing to do for his class.

I didn't fast on Fri though.. so during luch went to indulge on the food at the cafeteria.
Oh and my mom introduced me to her ex-student who's going back to the states after his year's over. and he's pretty cute. =)) russell curtis. cute name also right? LOL

They offered me a permanent job there but I declined coz I'm still studying. lol. Maybe after I graduate and I don't get a job in the media line I'll work there. =) like my mom. hahahaa. maaaaaybe. =)

Went to Fb after that. Getting ready again for WLH concert. =) Couldn't dance much coz i had the cramps. =S

Off to catch up on reading now.... Should I write a short story during the holidays? LOL. whatever Iffah.

Watched The Wild on Disney Channel just now. The Ost for the song really got to me about this lion cub who felt that his father didn't love him coz he couldn't roar. the song not the movie.. =))

Lifehouse - Good Enough Lyrics

It seems the more we talk
The less I have to say
Lets put our differences aside
I wanted to make you proud

But I just got in your way
I found a place where I can hide
Now everything is changing
But I still feel the same

We're running out of time
What do I have to do
To try to make you see
That this is who I am
And its all that I can be

I tried to find myself
Looking inside your eyes
You were all that I was meant to be
There must be something else

Behind all the lies
That you have lead me to believe
Now everyone is saying
That I should find a way
To leave it all behind

What do I have to do
To try to make you see
That this is who I am
And it's all that I can be
What do I have to do
To try to make you see
Trying to be like you
Isn't good enough for me

And I won't let you go
And I won't let you down
I won't give you up
Don't you give up on me now

What do I have to do
To try to make you see
That this is who I am
It's all that I can be
What do I have to do
To try to make you see
Trying to be like you
Isn't good enough for me

Ohhhh what do I have to do
Ohhhh to try to make you see

10:32:00 pm
YYYYY

I've been so tired, ache-y and sleepy recently
Get up at 430am to eat, go to work, on my feet the whole day til 330-4-ish, then go to sch for fb
yes i go to fb now ok. =))
dance until 9-ish then head home at 10-ish
then sleep at 1-ish am.
It's not enough.
I want the weekends to faster arrive

don't get me wrong
work is great and fun and interesting
the kids are pampered, funny, weird and whatever other adjectives you can think of
i went to the high school yesterday to buy subway cookies(why can't nyp have subway too?)
and the cafeteria looks just like those in tv
except well, they're wearing uniforms.
their culture is sooo very different from ours...
PDAs, super big and tall people i have to look up to see and football, basketball guys that are just well cute and UBER TAAAAAAAAALLLLLLL
hahahahaha

Yesterday was this kid Maya's b'day
and her parents brought cookies drooooooools

fb's practising for wang lee hom concert next fri.
i think my body has seriously become stiff. =S
practise practise
tired.
im alr in work,
school hasn't started(they start at 8)
and i'm already sleepy and wanting to dozz offfffffff...

ttfn!
love love

7:19:00 am
YYYYY

its 7:08am...
and im awake
in school...
not nyp. sas.
working
so freaking early
and time goes by so fast.
7 days of fasting already.
i hope i don have to pay back this year.
lalalala

working for 4th grade this time.
tired.
sleepy
had only 3 hours of sleep
bleahx....
sas should have more carparks so my mom doesnt have to go out so early
and get a spot in the carpark.
-.-
school starts at 8
and we're in school by 650 am. -.-
soooooo freaking early

i wanna be 7 years old again.
=(

kk gtg. do some work or read or something

7:08:00 am
YYYYY

im so bored im bloghopping n came across this weird but funny in a way pict on evon's blog
open the pict n view it. sorry abit small..... but really cool n twisted

im suppose to be asleep by now
working tmr at sas again
one week yay!
can see the dollars rolling in. =)
lol

but
i cant sleep coz my body's too used to sleeping late.
damn it.
first 3 days of fasting went by quite fast.
lol.
i love break-ing fast with lotsa ppl.
got the atmosphere and its soo fun
even though abit hectic.
lotsa food
surprisingly, this time round, i eat quite alot even for breakfast
usually at 430, i cant swallow anything but this year, quite hungry.
bleah getting fat.

and of course for me, no fasting month can pass by without gg to geylang serai
too eat dengdeng, watch ppl put on hena on their hands, loud voices of ppl selling stuff,
looking at beautiful as well as ugly designs of traditional clothes. =))
lol.

anyone wanna go geylang with me??
ila? charlene? matt?? sara? LOL.

need to keep myself busy
so i wont be hungry and think abt stuff like food.
everytime i go grocery shopping now, i feel like eating everything
bleahx. save money and save my body.
cant do much during fasting month like jogging or swimming.
so must not eat so much

ooo results are out.
my grades are...
quiiiiiite good compared to last year's.
seriously. its not veeeeery good
but im contented coz i improved.
YAY!! CoNGRATULATIONS IFFAH! hahaha
welll my gpa's not 3.4++ like habez's but its still a 3. LOL. WOOHOO!!

11:09:00 pm
YYYYY

This is what I've been doing over the holidays so far

watchin anime and korean, jap, taiwan dramas,
working at SAS, sleeping in til 12-3 pm
broke record and woke up at 4pm today because i slept at 11am.
hehehe

I swear what the 5th graders in SAS are learning is waaaaay more advanced than what pri. 5 kids in government schools are learning.
They're learning what im learning in media studies now for goodness sake in print media and management!!!

PROOF READING!
FIRST DRAFT!! and whatever nonsense. OMFG

played pool with matt n ila on mon at yishun safra then went for ice cream at swens...

i swear baby pink never looked more disgusting.
saw some small ah bengs wearing girl skinny jeans
one of them was wearing baby pink skinnies for gods sake it was damn damn fugly fugly
another one the colour not so bad turquoise-y but the thing that spoilt it was his disgusting choice of undergarment. apple green. and he's not exactly shapely.
he's ermmm chubby and to see cotton-y, apple green boxers or undies when u're trying to have fun n play pool is daaaaaaaaamn annoying.
i swear if any guy i knew wore pink jeans, i'd break off any ties i have with him.
well not so severe i just wouldnt be caught dead walking with him. =S
EEW EEW EEWWWWWWWWWWW

went fr fb today
its been soooooo long since i went for dance
felt weird
learnt gals junior dance.
i love.
even though i look weird sometimes... =S
oh well

fasting month coming in half an hour.... woopiesss... =))

11:14:00 pm
YYYYY

BOO HOOOO
i miss playing the clarinet!!!!! watching la corda d oro has reminded me of my secondary school days when i was in aicb playing the clarinet. i was quite good ok. well good enough to be the sectional leader.

i miss running rounds because of punishments or just running to improve my breathing, i miss cleaning my instrument after every band practise, playing with my section, looking through new scores, the excitement of having new instruments for the band, new scores, the fast beating of my heart whenever we're on stage to perform,
the cam whoring before and after every performance, the excitement of meeting new people and friends during music exchanges in different schools like fairfield methodist, woodgrove, EVERYTHING!!!!

now, im thinking whether i should buy myself a clarinet to practise again, or continue where i left off for violin and piano. haiz... i think music is the only thing im good at. im not gd at sports, dancing, nor am i smart.

when i was working as the receptionist, someone dropped off a buffet crampon clarinet case. OMG i was sooo shocked, memories came and went. i was sooooo tempted to run my fingers through the case (ok that sounds just sick but whatever) and open the case to look at the inside. haiiiiiiz........ =((

the last memory i had was 2005's syf. playing folklore and tales of the sea. or something like that.
i remember crying adn tearing and being so stressed because i couldnt seem to get my duet with penny right. and being disappointed that we couldnt get the gold and crying coz i was sad when i had to leave the section and promising that i'll be back to help. but never did. haiz.. disappointing. =((

the best days of my secondary school was in that small band room, along the corridors of the school, playing my clarinet.

look at the beauty of it
the silver keys, black wood, the pure, sweet, melodious sound it makes
ok i sound crazy but, whatever
i wanna attend a concert.... a good concert. so i can listen to the sounds of an orchestra again.
know most of you probably dont know what the heck im talking abt but. yeah.

piano? violin? clarinet. well all requires money which im short of at the moment.
A Buffet Crampon RC Bb Clarinet already costs up to $3000+ , a violin at least $800, an a piano, at least $5000!!!
haiz... someone gv me money. =)) or lemme strike 4D. craziness i don gamble. =S

9:29:00 pm
YYYYY

Hellooo i finally have smtg to blog abt thanks to sara
1. (the person who tagged you is) – sarachan. =) k the chan is there coz im watching too much anime.

2. (your relationship with him/her is) – we're gd friends..

3. (5 impressions you have of him/her) – funny, bimbotic, FUN, pretty and cabs like ALOT. lol.
(envy)

4. (the most memorable thing he/she has done for you) – gave me lancome stuff. LOL. thanks dear.

5. (the most memorable words he/she has said to you) – if you need anything just tell me ya? thank you for your support. =)

6. (if he/she becomes your lover, you will) – 0.0 nope cm will probably go crazy. hahaha

7. (if he/she becomes your lover, things he/she has to improve on will be) – LOL. not happ.

8. (if he/she becomes your enemy, you will) – trrrrrrrry not to think of her

9. (if he/she becomes your enemy, the reason will be) - hmm dunno? don't want to think tt the friendship will be THAT short lived. Enjoy the present time baby. =D

10. (the most desirable thing you want to do for him/her now is) – go for lunch, the shopping spreeeee followed by coffee and niiiiiice cheesecake. LOL

11. (your overall impression of him/her is) – hmmm she's a very easy to know, get along with person coz she's soo nice. and she loves pink. most of the time. =) and i think she spends too much on cabs. LOL.

12. (how you think people around you will feel about you) – dunno. bitchy? nice? quiet? talkative? depends on who you ask. =D

13. (the characteristic you love about yourself is) – I'm a sucker for chocolates!

14. (the characteristic you hate about yourself is) – im usually early early or on time early or late early which means usually i have to wait for ppl.. but i don mind =D

15. (the most ideal person you want to be is) – hmmm torress's girlfriend? okok real person would beeee sandra bullocks. she's just hilarious n hot at her age.

16. (for people that care and like you, say something to them) – thank you and big huggies n kisses

17. (pass this quiz to 10 people that you wish to know how they feel about you)

bleahx not many ppl have blogs but wtheck

1. Fadila---better be nice nice things. kidding. =)
2. Matthew
3. Regina
4. Sabrina
5. Cindy
6. Habez
7. Eoin
8. Charlene
9. Ila
10. Leo--- have a safe and enjoyable trip!

(who is no.6 having a relationship with?) – oOo. Cindy Teh Jing Yi - No. 5

(Is no.9 a male or female?) - Female.

(If no.7 and 10 are together, will it be a good thing?) – HAHAHA. Aren't they already???? LOL. hmm i think that would be a darn funny thing to see..

(What is no.2 studying?) – how to become a rabbitgod? -.- same as me coz we're in the same class. -.-

(When was the last time you had a chat with no.3?) - hmmm last week? i miss heeeeeer.

(What kind of music does no.8 like?) – eh? er. hmm. abit of rock, and i dunno what genre is wait for you. contemporary kind?

(Does no.1 has any siblings?) – yeaps. an older sister Farah n older bro Faizal.

(Will you woo no.3?) – no. im not les. no offence to any gays or les...

(How about no.7?) – -.- no. i thought he's woo-ing leo. lol. kidding. both are straight males.

(Is no.4 single?) – nope. She's pretty much in love with her nic sim.

(What’s the surname of no.5?) – Teh. Though the teachers always put it as The. -.-

(What’s the hobby of no.4?) – Dancing and shopping?

(Do no.5 and 9 get along well?) – Yeaps. I hope soooooo. =)

(Say something casual about no.1) – she's a crazy but HOT, lovable, girl

(Have you tried developing feelings for no.8?) – hmm i think the feeling's between us are mutual =)

(Where does no.9 live?) – Chua Chu Kang. so bloody far. MOVE HOUSE NEARER TO US!! =D

(What colour does no.4 like?) – 0.0 err... ermm. ah.... black?

(Are no.5 and 1 best friends?) – hahaha. nope.

(Does no.7 like no.2?) – BAHAHAHA. Eoin always claims to hate matthew but i think they have a love-hate r/s. *Winks*

(How did you get to know no.2?) – hmmm... 2006 when y1 started but only really talked to him like during 2nd class chalet. =)) thanks matt for all ur help

(Does no.1 have any pets?) – hamsters(dunno whether she still has them though) what happ to them ah fad???

(Is no.7 the sexiest person in the world?) – LOL. Eoin Ee??? Yeah. He has grls falling on his feet. LMAO. don kill me if you read this.

ok some weeirrdd qns but overall, fun. =) lalala
im getting $$$ yay...
been working at my mom's sch again.
receptionist. scary sometimes.
esp on mon when easa(some sort like cca) just started. so hectic. =S
calls coming in, rain, hectic parents looking for their kids. =S

2:24:00 am
YYYYY